once,
for a whole day,
i forgot what it was
to be human.i had nothing
inside my chest.i had never
felt better.
Fall asleep beside me
With nothing but our eyelashes
Moving in the breathless
Night.
We can be weightless.
Catch my silver woes
Pocketing them and holding
My hand as we twirl in dreams
Together.
Breathe beats with me.
Cleanse my heart with muted
Muffling and scuffling voices
For both of us to reflect on in this
Utopia.
Stop everything
and just Love.
lifeless…..
on the river bank..
i lie cold
shaken…..
frozen solid..
iced from nose to navel
and again from thigh to toes….
maybe my antics are…. irkish…
murky water defrosts me for 0.8 seconds….
and the wave hits once every 7 seconds…
im sorry it must be like this..
me …
idle…
motionless….
mind blown…
lying here..
hating decisions….
even without thought, my slight grunts take the moment i have…
and the river…. laughs as her minor splashes …
make gash in friendships waiting before and behind me…
i met you at the banks…
the river crimson from my death….
and my eyes frozen upwards with my back numb on the tundra’s cold floor..
you know im trying….
you just know im not trying my best…
you say i should trust…
love….
but i refuse to regret…
so i put my heart and soul into the grunts and moves that stop and go every 7 seconds…
im in love witht the patience…
im in love witht the seduction…
im in love witht my constant mistake…
in 21 seconds i will be in that lake….
defenseless, yes….
but frozen no more…..
and free to choose a choice i refuse to voice….
i love you…
and as i swim out into the current…
equal distant from both kisses…
i remember which one wanted me to kiss them
and which one wanted to kiss me…..
so….. i continue across the river…
totally killing myself….
sharp biting pains in every on of my pores…..
i leave the two directions for the tree across the way…
harder to achieve…
but……
her love , skinny
her kiss, perfect…
and her eyes…… bring warmth to my biggest tear….
so completely… numb ..
i drag my lower body along…..
and the further i get from the river..
the further i get from reality….
the farther apart my movements get…
and the shorter they lay….
lifeless..
on the river bank…
i trudge like molasses in the arctic winds…
afraid..
smothered..
and dead….
fuck it…..
and i break from the ice… and risk major blood warmth… and solidification from the sweat and work…..
i see the tree..
i hug the tree…
i kiss the tree….
and die on contact…
now…. i’ve loved…… i see the heavens through the shadows…
and the shadows lack strength in her arms….
maybe that is it…
………………………………………..
“babe never let me……. leave….
babe… please… never let me go….
suffocate me ….
please…
kill me….
slap me…
love me…
show me that you love me like no one……… has ever…… imagined.. “
so when were you going to tell me
what must i do ?
smacking my face bloodshot to keep your lips from mines in my
fantasies..
actually, i’d rather this be a secret …
and leave my past in the picture…
life’s a broke bitch..
who the fuck will fix her ?
fuck me good
fuck me right..
i’ll give life a new meaning..
life is pain…
so…
suck it up…
sit by my bed…
witht the memory of us fighting over the remote for the tv
or
the pillow beneath your head…
sigh..
im done witht the love of my ust…
i do miss thy gentle aggression..
i do miss thine last kiss..
memory of it tramples my heart flat…
and my penis…..
star struck…
honestly…
im not one to do titles….
but im not saying yes…
its more of a maybe
its in the open…. its all in the open sober .. and still attracted.. mild mental transaction.. satisfaction in the dysfunction.. fungi in my heart from being cut and loved… loved and dropped.. dropped and left… left and…… found… found and cleaned… im a new me.. honestly.. i regret nothing from my b-i- d’s .. but its enough to go insane.. so i’d rather see you less… feel you less.. text you less.. and forget our hurt.. then.. my heart will love you without knowledge of all the bullshit you put it and me through…. im done.. im through… its in the open …. its all in the open….. now…. i see you…. dead.. you are dead to me… stop resurrecting .. please go…. i wish … but you’re not trying to let me.. my will has grown fond to your kiss .. and i spit on the memory.. who am i anyway..? its all in the open. its never clean.. im never ready.. im never full satisfied with shit… until they brought the bull . shit upon it sit upon it spit upon my loving heart.. weaken and defeated… i will find another end to start.. and as i depart… i take a shard from the dark and slit my neck with a tear… i bled nothing but love for the sin i feared… im in here… and the walls transparently were one way:i was wishin’ and hopin’ its all out now, boo… its all in the open… we got caught… …..in love
my day lies lifeless now.
my day lies… complete :))
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I know you don’t look at my blog anymore, but maybe you will randomly. So if you see this, i miss you and i’m terrified to tell you cause i don’t know how you will react, so if you saw this, come back into my life. Or not. Up to you.
